Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
