I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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