We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
