i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
