She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
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So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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