omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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