I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
