We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
