guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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