are you still at the devil's house?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
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Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
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I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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