well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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