We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
