im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
