Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
