So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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