ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
