Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
