did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
