I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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