Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
