Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
