Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
honey bunches of taint.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just invented taco cereal.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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