I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
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