Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
