I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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