you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
