We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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