fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Randomize
