If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
