I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
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