Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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