omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
