theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
