Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
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I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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