i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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