I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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