What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
