just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
