Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize