I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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