Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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