Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
