No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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