just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize