Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
