Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
