Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
