All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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