why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
