Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Randomize
