i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
