Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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