Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
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people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
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You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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