I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
