I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
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she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
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You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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