a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
