FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
