I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
