Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
