Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
