I skipped work to stalk him.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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